Fairy Freakout
by TruestBlack
Summary: Two perverted fairies. A handful of sexstarved Hogwarts students. Now add magic....what do you think is going to happen?
1. Kaiser Wants A Challenge

**Disclaimer:** Owning it? We laugh at your silly idea…..and then we cry because we oh so wish it was true!

**Authoresses Note:**

**Trinity:** OMG we officially have the writing bug!

**Serenity:** It's impossible for us to stop! We start one story and now we have another!

**Trinity:** But since when is writing a lot of yummy slash goodness a bad thing?

**Serenity:** So true, you can never EVER have to much slash in the world!

**Trinity:** Hehehe well yeah forgive our little perverted minds, still we hope you enjoy our story.

**Serenity:** Yeah we plan on making quite a few chapters and we will make it very, very funny….well hopefully it's funny

**Trinity:** Yeah my sis is right how will we know it's funny?

**Serenity:** I know!! People can review it!!!

**Trinity:** That's a GREAT idea, wow I'm amazed I didn't think of that what with me being the smarter one and all

**Serenity:** Oh as if!

**Trinity:** 'Sticks tongue out at Serenity' Anyway we would greatly appreciate a review!

**Serenity:** We hope to hear from you and that you enjoy our first chapter of "Fairy Freakout"

**Both:** Well Bye!

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Chapter 1 Kaiser Wants A Challenge

Harry was at a loss. He didn't want to have to tell anyone, but there was really no choice anymore. The bloody thing had followed him around all day, whispering the most **terrible** things to him in potions... Harry blushed just remembering. Using his hands to fan his face, he scowled at the sliver of orange light beside him. It smiled, its little pointy teeth grinning up at Harry, as predatory a look you can have if you're 2 inches tall.

It was bad enough he had to deal with the pest's mutterings about its perverted ideas regarding his classmates… but the fact that no one else could see it made him look like he was either a) insane or b) trying to act like a fool. He didn't know what was worse, but he sure as hell wanted the thing gone. He was heading towards Dumbledore's office to have it taken care of when the little fairy said, "Now, Harry, tattling to the principal on poor little Kaiser is not a nice thing to do!"

"Why's that?" Harry asked loudly, exasperated. He received a few strange looks from some Ravenclaw girls as he shouted at the air.

"Because," Kaiser said, mischief glinting in his little orange eyes. "There's only one way to get rid of Kaiser!" A light giggle followed the cryptic statement.

"Oh yeah?" Harry lowered his voice and narrowed his eyes. "And how's that?"

A smirk appeared across Kaiser's delicate face. "I got to do my job first silly!" Harry's eyes narrowed even more, and he waved a hand at the pixie.

"And what is that?" Kaiser bit his bottom lip and started jumping up and down in the air from foot to foot. "I can't be telling you yet, I got's to wait." Harry's suspicion only increased.

"For what?" Kaiser shook his finger at Harry before saying, "Not a what's but a who's."

"Who?" Harry asked, stopping to lean against a wall. He let a weary green eye grace Kaiser. "Can you get any more vague? What is it exactly that you do?" The fairy puffed his chest in pride at getting to answer the question he'd wanted to hear.

"Kaiser is a fairy of love and lust! Kaiser wants a challenge!"

"Are you shitting me?" Harry murmured into his hands. He dragged his fingers down his face before rolling his eyes heavenward. "Okay, **Kaiser,** Whatever. Give me some fucking details."

When the thing stayed silent he looked away from the ceiling, and into the concerned eyes of Hermione and Ron. He hadn't even noticed their approach.

"Harry are you okay?" asked a very worried Hermione.

"Ummmmm…" Was all that made it out of Harry's mouth. He couldn't bring himself to complete a sentence. Part of that was embarrassment, the other was Kaiser. He was floating around Hermione and muttering about whether she would be better suited for the females or males of the human species.

"Guys," Harry finally said when he'd had enough of the fairy's lesbian jokes. "There's a fairy by my head." Ron and Hermione exchanged looks and Hermione reached into a bag she was holding.

"Harry," she intoned; somewhere between laughter and concern. "This is a pamphlet on schizophrenia and post-traumatic-stress disorder," Harry screamed in frustration when the fairly laughed.

"Hermione I'm not crazy! There's a fucking-orange-glowing fairy by head and it thinks you're a lesbian!" Hermione paled and gave Harry a sheepish look. Harry only shook his head faster.

"Tell the boy with the fire-hair that he is a catch to be had!" Kaiser squealed, winking.

"NOW IT'S COMING ON TO RON!" Harry bellowed, turning an attractive shade of red. Ron only laughed.

"Harry, what does it want? Just do it; so you stop looking like a psycho." Harry turned to an expectant Kaiser again. Giving up completely, he licked his lips and huffed in annoyance.

"Kaiser, what kind of challenge do you mean?"

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Ron hide a laugh behind a cough. Hermione looked like she was getting ready to take him to the hospital wing. Ignoring his friends he focused back on Kaiser, bared a smirk that seemed to take up half his face.

"Setting up the witches and wizards with there beddy-bye buddies is my job." Harry frowned

"But how is that a challenge if you specialize in love and lust?"

The elf grinned but before he could reply a green light started to appear next to Kaiser. When the light cleared a similar fairy was hovering next to him. Smiling, the new fairy sang, "I'm not late am I?" His eyes then flicked to Ron. "Ohhh he so needs a man in his life." Kaiser only nodded

"See what did I tell you, Kaloosh? We got two types of challenges. Getting's past their magic's and getting their love to form for the same gender."

It took Harry less then a second to yell "WHAT!?!"

"I can see the homophobe's first," Kaloosh said, eyeing Harry up and down.

"Oh, no!" Kaiser replied, a hand flitting up to his mouth. "We save him for last, aye?" The two laughed over the joke Harry didn't understand.

"Get on with it!" Harry bellowed angrily. He was tired of their play and just wanted them gone. He had a Potion's assignment to finish.

"We want the fire-head first! What a man we'll need for him!" Kaiser cried.

The conversation, however, was stopped at the sight of the Slytherin triangle. The six students turned their noses up at their counterparts. They never saw the delighted looks the fairies gave each other.

"What of the man with the dark skin?" Kaiser asked Harry with interest, obviously eyeing Blaise Zabini's rear as he moved down the hall behind Draco and Pansy.

"ZABINI?!?" At Harry's exclamation, Ron and Hermione looked up sharply. Hermione began to laugh.

"What about Zabini, Harry?" Ron asked curiously. Harry was too shocked and disgusted to reply to Ron. But the fairies didn't hesitate; even if they couldn't be heard.

"Ohhh yes very good choice Kaiser, he will make a fine man for the fire-head. Zabini? Did the master say? Hmmmmm yes very good… very good taste indeed." Kaiser nodded.

"I thought it would go well for fire-head and hadsome brown boy! Sill… the woman. What should we do with her?"

Kaloosh gained a huge smile before saying, "I have found the match for the woman." Kaiser and Harry both turned to look at what had caught his attention.

Kaiser grinned his toothy grin. "Perfect."

Harry, however, was appalled. "Hell no! You must be fucking kidding me? Not HER! please not them, don't do that to us!" He was blatantly ignored.

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**Authoresses Note:**

**Serenity:** Well what did you think?

**Trinity:** Was it boring, insane, funny, barely readable or excellent?

**Serenity:** We would love to hear what your answer is so we can either improve or smile widely!

**Trinity:** I mean come on, you've already got this far, surely you can click the little review button and leave us a review!

**Serenity:** Its 5 minutes of you life, and just think this 5 minutes could be the difference between this story continuing or not.

**Trinity:** So we hope you review and take into consideration how happy you would make these poor, innocent, perverted and sugar high little slash fangirls.

**Serenity:** Well we hope to write more soon, but until then bye all!!

**Trinity:** Au revoir :D


	2. In For It

**Disclaimer:** As per usual all we own are the Harry Potter books so yeah don't bother suing.

**Authoresses Note:**

**Serenity:** Yay its chapter 2, go us!!

**Trinity: **WOOP!!

**Serenity:** Sorry it took awhile to put up but we have been very busy lately

**Trinity:** You said it!! We could barely breath little alone write!

**Serenity:** But it's all good now and we hope to be able to update sooner next time :D

**Trinity:** Well we hope you like this chapter and please, please R&R

**Serenity:** Ciao

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Fairy Freakout

Chapter 2 In For It

Harry stalked after the little orbs of light, still pleading with them. "Anyone but Parkinson, oh, lord..." Kaloosh and Kaiser only grinned to each other.

"But she's perfect for wise-one! Daring, caring!" Kaiser danced in front of Harry, sending little bursts of air into his face. "Pansy Parkinson is not caring! She's an evil Death Eater!" Kaloosh rolled his eyes and glared at Harry.

"Speak only of what you know, Chosen." Harry only rolled his eyes back in slight surrender. "Please reconsider?"

Kaloosh just smiled before saying "Wrong one to ask, young master." Harry then realised Kaiser wasn't with them, getting a slightly panicked feeling in his chest he looked around for Kaiser only to see him aiming a wand type thing at Pansy. His eyes widened and without thinking it through he ran and pushed Pansy out of the way just as a pink light shot from the wand.

He was about to smile in triumph when he heard Kaiser say, "Not who I aimed for but still of the good's" He was about to see who it had hit when an enraged Pansy kicked him off her before standing up her face the colour of a rotting tomato.

Fred and George Weasley had been waiting for the group of snakes to pass. They'd put up a charm that created toad-warts on a witch's or wizard's face, but they were distracted, now, and in a big way. Their identical eyes, round as saucers, stared at Hermione with lust and surprise. Harry yelped as he realized what must have happened. Hermione's face was twisted in confusion; an expression the twins would call 'darling.' Yes, that's right: darling.

Harry completely ignored Pansy's rant of outrage, he was too stunned. Fred and George both walked over to Hermione and started offering to carry her books and even her to lunch. Ron was staring at them slack jawed and Hermione looked like she was considering the benefits of the hospital wing for the twins. Harry agreed with her.

Kaiser flew down and sat on his shoulder closely followed by Kaloosh who sat on his other shoulder. "What did you do?" Harry asked Kasier without taking his eyes off the twins who were hovering around Hermione with big puppy dog eyes.

"Me's let them feel for her's." He felt Kaloosh nod next to him before saying "Yes, now we's must wait an hour before we's can preform our spell again. And the next subject shall be a fun one indeed"

"Oh yeah?" Harry still couldn't take his eyes off the twin's pathetic display. They were now walking down the hall with Hermione, arguing over who got to sit next to her at lunch. He watched a slow, liquid grin slip across Hermione's face. They were in for it big time.

Ron, tired of watching his broth ers have it out over his best friend, turned his attention to an equally bored Blaise. Zabini was picking at a perfect cuticle, one shoulder up against the wall. Sensing he was being watched, his deep eyes fluttered up to meet Ron's. He smiled. Well, smirked good-naturedly.

Harry tensed "You're not going to……" He didn't finish his sentence the identical smirks on both Kaiser and Kaloosh's face were answer enough. Standing up quickly he practically jogged over to Ron before pulling him towards the great hall. "Oi, Harry what are you doing?" Ron asked as he was dragged through the hall. Without stopping Harry said "Saving you from a fate worse then death." At Ron's sceptical look Harry said "Trust me."

Ron shot a longing glance back at Blaise before being dragged out of the hall. Harry stutter-stepped, still dazed, when he heard that slow, cold, slick tone calling after him. "Good Merlin, Potter, off so soon? I'd hoped you could explain your particularly stupid behaviour today..." Draco Malfoy turned the corner and stopped in front of Harry and Ron. Kaiser and Kaloosh made little 'ooh'-ing noises, and peered into Draco's steely eyes. Harry groaned.

"Great...fucking fabulous"

Draco raised a flawless eyebrow. "Sarcasm Potter? Wasn't sure you were smart enough for it." Glaring at him Harry said,

"Shut it Malfoy." Kaloosh frowned at Harry before getting a slightly evil grin; he whispered something to Kaiser who smirked before nodding. Flying over to Malfoy Kaiser started examining ever part of him from head to toe.

Getting a little nervous Harry mumbled under his breath to Kaloosh "What are you two doing?" Kaloosh smiled.

"Well, we are making sure he is the one." Before Harry could ask about 'the one' he was distracted by Malfoy saying "I guess I was right. No brain cells to be found."

Snapping back to a smirking Malfoy Harry said "Fuck off Malfoy! I don't have the time to deal with you." Malfoy's smirk widened but he stayed silent. Grinding his teeth, Harry was about to yell something else but Kaiser's next comment made him freeze.

"He is most definitely a perfect half for the master." Kaloosh nodded "Master Harry and Master….Malfoy? Was it are most suited for each other."

That unfroze Harry "Fuck no! There is no way in hell that I'm going to deal with that." Pointing to Malfoy he said "I HATE HIM, UNDERSTAND??? HATE HIM!!" by the end he was yelling at the fairies who were just smirking, he didn't notice the hurt look that flashed across Draco Malfoy's face.

Draco stood, horrified at Harry's unexplained outburst. Silver brows furrowed, and he poked Harry in the ribs. "Potter?" Harry's face got a couple shades darker before he stormed off in the direction of the Gryffindor tower. He was just going to have to miss lunch today. Ron shrugged sheepishly and gave Draco a tentative smile. Draco scowled. The fairies laughed, and took off after the still-fuming Harry.

"Something tells me," Draco whispered, letting an honest smile grace his face for just a second. "That we're in for it."

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**Authoresses Note:**

**Trinity:** What's this Draco has feelings? 'gasp'

**Serenity:** Lol, could Draco actually like Harry?

**Trinity:** Don't mind us and our weirdness anyways we hope you enjoyed it.

**Serenity:** Whatcha think of the twins falling for Hermione? 'evil grin'

**Trinity:** This story is going to be soooooooo much fun to write

**Serenity:** You said it! Anyways please tell us what you think

**Trinity:** Until next time Goodbye and have a fantastic day :D


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